no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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