i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
how does that bad decision feel?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
