youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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