I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
