Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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