Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My ATM looks so different sober.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
