Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
