Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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