All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She even gives head with a lisp.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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