ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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