i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the liver wants what the liver wants
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
