Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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