Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
