you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
