are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
