I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
