last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
