Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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