when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
pop tarts are not kleenex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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