She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
