My nipple is on Facebook.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
