And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
