Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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