I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
