It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
