I cockslap morals
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
