Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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