Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
