you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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