No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am one with the molecules
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
