she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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