I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
