who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
