My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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