I need to stop coming to work sober
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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