My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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