Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My cat gives me a boner
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
