I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
