I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize