I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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