Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
