my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
