I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
