Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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