C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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