well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
