i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
