Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
