where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
