why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
In America we eat man semen.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
