i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How external is "for external use only"?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
