The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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