Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
