I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i drank out of a bidet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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