i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
