but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's always time for handjobs
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
