Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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