Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
