ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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