I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
