I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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