I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
did i just pee glitter
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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