I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize