I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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