Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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