How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
