just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
