Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
