her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
