I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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