FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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