What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dear god my vagina.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize